The February People’s Choice Award goes to…
The people have spoken… The February People’s Choice Award goes to Briggs Hatton for his short play, The Love Meter, presented as a staged reading at the Broadwater Second Stage and simulcast online on February 14th. Congratulations, Briggs!
Courtesy of Briggs, we’re pleased to share the first few pages from the award-winning script. Enjoy!
Love Meter
by
Briggs Hatton
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CHARACTERS:
SHEILA — female, early/mid-40s, the owner and bartender here for a dozen years, swiftly and capably deals with patrons of every single type, welcoming, wacky, wry, wistful, direct, no-
nonsense, though a bit in denial about her bar’s state of affairs, a several-generation descendent of this area, remembered as a sparkplug but actually mellowed out of late.
TODD — male, mid/late-40s, adept with his hands and expert repairs, divorced, feels cautiously grateful now after many extremely rocky years, typically Zen, sometimes sullen, goofy, open, hang-
dog expressions, has a playful and sometimes cutting sense of humor that’s partially armor.
THE LOVE METER — any age, any gender, a faint hovering presence inhabiting an old-fashioned
penny arcade game machine, sly, knowing, stoic. Unnoticed, but felt. (**Its spoken declarations of
the various ‘love levels’ can be said with the mood of the particular word. But these spoken love
level words cannot be heard by the other characters, only the audience.**).
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LIGHTS FADE UP on a strip-mall dive bar in Arcata, California that’s seen better days. SHEILA stands behind the bar, on the phone. THE LOVE METER machine sits in a prime spot, looking
impassively forward.
SHEILA
(into phone) Well, what do you want me to say? The machine’s not working right… I didn’t do nothing to it, smart ass. Probably needs a tune-up. Will you come give me a hand… ? Bring your tools. (smiles) Yeah, like you’ve got something better to do… Bye.
She hangs up. She wipes down the bar top.
SHEILA
Smart ass.
Sheila walks around to The Love Meter, determinedly.
SHEILA
Alright, come on now. I don’t have time for this. Work, baby. Here’s your quarter… Let’s-go-let’s-go…
She drops a quarter into the machine, and grasps onto the
actor’s shirt. The machine makes noises like a pinball:
THE LOVE METER
Ch-ch-ch-ch – ding, ding, ding.
(declarative) CLAMMY.
SHEILA
(annoyed) You hunk of junk! It’s still stuck on “clammy.” It’s just gotta’ work.
She drops a quarter in, grabs the machine again.
THE LOVE METER
Ch-ch-ch-ch — ding, ding. CLAMMY.
SHEILA
Son of a — !
Sheila shoves The Love Meter, which tilts briefly and
rights itself. Frustrated, she retreats back behind the bar.
TODD enters, wearing a tool belt.
TODD
Hello-hello. Unpaid fix-it guy, at your service. Whoa, this place is really hopping.
SHEILA
Shut up. It’s Tuesday afternoon.
TODD
How ya’ been?
SHEILA
I hate asking you for favors. Gives you a chance to get real smug.
TODD
Well, what’re old, smug friends for?
Todd approaches the machine, shaking his head.
TODD
“The Love Meter.” Jeez. Sheila, why don’t you get rid of this silly old thing? Make room
for a pool table.
SHEILA
Get outta’ here, are you nuts? People love the love meter.
TODD
“Measure your sex appeal…” for 25 cents. I mean, really? I wouldn’t even call this thing
kitschy, it’s just corny.
Todd kneels, starts inspecting the machine.
SHEILA
I look forward to your Yelp review. Can you get it working? My dad had that thing pretty
much since he opened the place. It’s a restored antique. He said it was from an actual penny
arcade in the 1920s, up in Oregon.
TODD
Well, your dad was known for blowing smoke.
SHEILA
What do you mean?
TODD
This wood paneling isn’t older than the 1980s, maybe the seventies, tops.
SHEILA
Yeah, that’s the restored part!
TODD
Okay, okay… So it’s sentimental for you, huh?
SHEILA
Yeah. But it’s something else. That game’s always had a kind of… aura. Almost a
personality… How’s it looking? It’s been acting stuck. The only level it lands on is
“clammy.”
TODD
Hate to break it to you, but look around. Things are pretty clammy in this place.
SHEILA
(smiling) Listen, you jerk —
TODD
What would you say the vibe is here? Seriously. Do you think it’s… (reading Love Meter’s levels)
“wild”? Trust me, it is not. Is it… “hot stuff” in here? Nope. And it’s certainly not
“naughty, but nice,” whatever that means. So I’m gonna’ posit that your Love Meter’s
working just fine.
SHEILA
You gonna’ fix it, or stand there wasting my day?
Join us on for the next Monday Night Playground on March 14th! For more info, click here!