The February People’s Choice goes to…..

Featuring:

“None of Your Business” by Salt-N-Pepa released as a single on August 30th, 1994

Time:
Split between Summer 1995 and Monica Lewinsky’s Grand Jury Testimony on August 6, 1998

Note:
This play contains real quotes from Ms. Lewinsky & excerpts from her Grand Jury Testimony. Though, many lines are fictionalized.

CAST BREAKDOWN

MONICA LEWINSKY – Female – 22/25 – White – According to Wikipedia, she’s an activist, television personality, fashion designer, and former White House intern (in that order).

BILL CLINTON – Male – 48 – White – The best or worst American President of the 1990s depending on which side of my family you ask.

MICHAEL EMMICK – Male – 45 – White – The attorney who questioned Monica Lewinsky in her grand jury testimony. He was once called “Ken Starr’s pit bull.”

———————–

Stage left contains the barebones of a federal court room including a witness box (angled stage left). Stage right is the front lawn of the White House.

MONICA sits nervously in the witness box as MICHAEL paces, questioning her. He’s a dog with a bone.

MICHAEL

Ms. Lewinsky, when did you start working at the White House?

MONICA

My internship began July of 1995.

MICHAEL

And when you say “internship,” could you just very briefly describe what it is you were doing and where you were working?

MONICA

Sure. I was interning for Mr. Panetta, who was Chief of Staff at that time, and I worked in his correspondence office, drafting some of the language.

MICHAEL

Thank you. And, when did you first notice the President of the United States?

Monica looks down for a moment and then turns to the audience, aggressively breaking the 4th wall.

MONICA

How the fuck am I supposed to answer that?

Monica abruptly stands and approaches center stage, the middle ground between the two sets. This is a rant, so get ready to talk fast,.

MONICA

He’s the President! One doesn’t casually notice the president. (mocking) Oh yes, I think I noticed Billy for the first time in the break room. Or was it in the Oval? (calming down) I probably saw Bill for the first time when he was Governor Clinton running for President. But when did I first notice him? Actually notice him? That’s an intimate question. It’s private. I resent having to answer these questions in front of a Grand Jury. A grand jury should know parachute pants are not courtroom attire. This is a… But here I am because I have no choice. It’s been made very clear to me that I need to be here today. That I have to testify. Even if it’s no one’s business what I– we did. It’s none of your business. But, I’m sure you already have your verdict. Because they do. They don’t get it.   But I didn’t get it either. Before starting my internship, I’d only ever seen Bill on TV, and I never thought of him as attractive.

Stage right, BILL enters, facing upstage, waving.

MONICA

With his big red nose and coarse, wiry-looking gray hair, he’s an old guy. There were tons of women in the White House with crushes on him and I thought, “these people are just crazy. They really have bad taste in men.”

Bill turns around and flashes the audience his shit eating grin.

MONICA

But then I saw him in person.

Bill talks as if he’s shaking hands with an invisible man.

BILL

Welcome President Kim Young-sam, everyone else is going to call me Mr. President, but you, you can call me Bill. I’m gonna call you Kimmy.

Monica stares on at the edge of the lawn, mouth agape.

MONICA

I went on the lawn with my mother to watch the arrival of the President of South Korea.  Bill had a glow about him that was magnetic. He exudes a sexual energy. I suddenly understood what everyone was talking about. So, yeah… that was the first time I noticed the President. But he didn’t notice me.

MICHAEL

Moving later, could you sort of just summarize the early relationship that you had with the President before any first sexual contact?

MONICA

(to Michael) It was mostly intense flirting.

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